Life in a Prison
Narrator: This story is a replication of a few torn away pages from a 1979 diary of an unknown author. I found these pages accidentally from a rat hole in the basement of my newly bought house. Inmates, of both the rat hole and the house, have vacated the place since a while. ———————————————————————————————————
24 August 1979
…is the only one whom you should trust the most in this world and when you don’t listen to what has been conveyed to you, you will succumb to lifelong imprisonment. The two guards, who guard your cell, will keep on muttering obscurely until you realize that something was actually fremd.
Well, that was for the second time I was being sentenced to imprisonment and you really have to be in a prison to understand how it would actually be living inside a cell.
25 August 1979 – 07 November 1979
-Pages missing-
08 November 1979
After a while, I ended up in prison again. You have to listen very carefully when I tell you about my life in this particular prison. As you see, I am just another ordinary person, like all other people, who wants to be heard at least in a relatively reasonable audience. And, I believe that it is unethical to take one person’s blight and force everyone else to experience it. When you repeatedly lose emotions while attempting to meet your likes, you may leave behind the ability to control your mind when something is lost or when you can’t get access to what you were looking for. You’ll fall into the valley of desperateness and helplessness. It is then your mind initiates a crime. I ended up in prison for the same reason.
09 November 1979
Loneliness and indolence spread inside you as sickness. The reason why you never get out of their grasp is that you never listen to them. Even the silence inside you talks to you. Your inborn confidence is the advocate that helps you to attain freedom. But you never know that your freedom doesn’t apparently exist because the lock to your freedom is always open!
10 November 1979
Chapter 1: Hope
The only thing that wakes your life up in prison is ‘hope’- the hope to be free, the hope to see more sunlight than you see through the small window-grid, the hope to smell the soil in your garden, the hope to see your rotten garage, the hope to use your own restroom, the hope to taste the stinky tap water at your home, the hopes never ends.. And hope for existence utmost.
11 November 1979
I don’t know why they didn’t give me a time measuring instrument in prison. Probably they believed that prisoners do not need it or may be because I never asked. Sometimes you only get what you asked for. But I could measure time pretty accurately. When you are stuck inside a small room for a while you can pretty much notice a small change in your environment. When you can vaguely see something – it should be 8 in the morning. When you can see light hitting those guards’ back – it should be around 9. When the sunlight touches your feet as you lie pointing your head to the window – it should be 10. The rest is unclear as it could be any time when your stomach feels hot. It could be due to hunger, perhaps.
12 November 1979
Actually, you eat a lot when you are at prison. Well, it could be my personal thing. You can actually know what day it would be looking into your food -not because of that you get different kinds of food each day, but because the same food smells different each day. I learned that some foods don’t stay longer than a week unrefrigerated or may be even refrigerated.
13 November 1979
My window looked like a vertical chess board with holes instead of the squares. The good thing when you get near the window is that you can complete the time-measurement process which we left before. When the shadow of the building reaches the mid-point of the barren ground in front of the prison – it should be about 3 in the evening. When it reaches the front gate – it would be around 4 or 5. The rest is unclear as always. And when you see no sunlight, you can guess it would be night and your dinner is anytime soon. The bad thing about the window is not that important, but you will have to be really careful that your time measurement process is not affected by the stinky smell of the cement.
14 November 1979
–blank—
15 November 1979
–blank—
16 November 1979
Chapter 2: Resistance and Persistence
When you are paid through dollars for your work that you do at prison, you are paid through intellect for what you read. Your chair and table may now more scriptures than what you’ve learned in your entire life.
I have read a lot, sitting in my old rusty chair and flat table. They know me much more than many people in this world. My pen, my book -they stay with me until they are manipulated with some alien thoughts.
17-20 November 1979
–Pages missing–
21 November 1979
Thoughts became my enemies sometimes. They give you sleepless nights, what people call insomnia and loss of appetite during the day time. The thoughts get really bizarre when you think more and more. Sometimes it get worsen and that’s when you try to escape or even attempts to kill yourself. But, still ‘hope’ gets greater precedence here. It is, sometimes, required for your existence that you resist your thoughts, or maybe one should learn a way to filter the thoughts, perhaps in high school itself.
If you resist, you persist.
22 November 1979
Down with fever! I don’t believe there would be any poor soul who ends up reading my diary. ‘You’ is addressed to the future-me, just in case if you forget! Because, people do change!
23 November 1979
Headache and fever are getting worse. You can’t write when you are sick or when your hands tremble too much or when you feel afraid way too much.
24 November 1979
–blank—
25 November 1979
–No scripts on the page —just some random blue scratches which went round and round–
26 November 1979
Chapter 3: The two guards
One peculiar feature of this prison was that they had two guards at each cell. I never knew why that was so. The inmates are not exceptionally violent though. Except some occasional screaming the only sounds I used to hear were the murmuring sound of the guards which I never listened to and the rhythmic snore of a fellow inmate.
I always felt very sad for these guards. They have to stand there for the whole day. But they always kept on murmuring which might make them better. Well.. I don’t know much about these prison guards.
27 November 1979
There had been an attack on some guard one day. As for my information somebody was shot and two were hospitalized. The exact information was unclear. Situations depend on how people think. When they find some miniscule hints to escape, they don’t think much. You always think that the tree near you is bigger than the one lying far away.
28-29 November 1979
– (part missing- probably the ink has spread on some liquid. Those rats might be using these papers for some other purposes also)–
30 November 1979
The two guards always stood like two pillars on either side of my cell, murmuring and laughing intermittently. They both use to wear shiny dark blue uniform with a shiny round cap. One funny thing about these guards is that they don’t carry their keys with them. How foolish! In my understanding, they were supposed to carry a bunch of keys hooked to the right pocket of their pants, besides their pistol. I still remember, one day we had a weird conversation.
Guard 1: Do you know why you think a lot when you are alone? Me: No. Why? Guard 2: Because you are lazy! Me: Really?
I seriously had absolutely no clue about what that was all about. What else should I expect from some guards who even forget their keys?
1 December 1979
Chapter 4: The squirrel
You hardly have some memorable incidents happening when you are in prison. You always wish to think about the past and about the things around. You pretend to get involved in something so that you could get distracted from something else. The best thing to do is to never underestimate your instincts.
Thus, I have a friend – a squirrel. He used to be a regular visitor to the pool of dumpsters near my window. Today something really funny happened. Today he came with a lot of enthusiasm. May be he is just pretending. I don’t know. He jumped over the woody fence that covered the pool, as usual. His eyes got stuck on a new toy. It was some kind of a steel box, covered with newspaper scrolls at random. After filling his stomach with his favorite dishes around there, he jumped into the box. Well, I was relieved about the fact that it didn’t seem like a trap. Sometime later, I realized that he was still stuck in there. “There is a way out, you dum! Look out.” I wanted to yell. I don’t know how long the poor squirrel stayed there inside an unlocked box.
Just like the squirrel, people don’t really see their way out. They try to develop their own dream world and fall into a vicious circle. You have to listen very carefully to yourself before you try to search what you are looking for. ‘Silence’ inside you finds many ways to talk to you -through squirrels, birds, leaves, mild breeze and so on.
2 December 1979
–Pages had holes in it–
3 December 1979
–No scripts on the page —just some random blue scratches which went round and round–
4 December 1979
This day is supposed to be my birth day. But, I never used to celebrate this day since a while. You normally try to convince yourself that these days don’t exist because you feel afraid of those old memories that might haunt you in dreams.
5 December 1979
–blank—
6 December 1979
Chapter 5: The lawyer
Like everyone, I also have a lawyer. His name is Mr. Con (– two to three lines missing — ink spread–).. used to be a good lawyer sometimes. He visits me quite often but pisses me off each time when he gets here. But he gave me hope which I failed to receive from most things in here. The desire to get out and to be free makes you live life each day. Again he arrived today with his usually conversation. Here we go!
The Lawyer: How’s it going pal? Me: Oh! Cut the crap. Tell me, how long I would be staying here. The Lawyer: It totally depends on you. Me: What? You have been telling me this since a long time. What am I supposed to do? If you are not getting this, I’m gonna hire another lawyer. The Lawyer: See! Only one person can help you in this world – it’s you. Me: What the hell does that mean? The Lawyer: Do you even remember how you ended up here? You obviously don’t! You just have to listen. Me: Listen to what? The Lawyer: Listen to what they tell you. Me: Well, that’s it. I’m outta here! Better try not to act like a priest.
7 December 1979
Chapter 6: The Realization
My lawyer always pisses me off. I don’t know why? He used to say the same thing again and again and again when he visits me. I think I need to find someone else to trust. I wasn’t able to sleep today. The guards continued to murmur even in the dark. I was curious what did they have to talk that much. I got off from the bed. I pushed my whole weight on my knees. I reached the bars within no time and pressed my right ear to one of the bars that felt cold.
Guard 1: I can’t believe how foolish a person could be! Guard 2: (coughs and asks) Why? Guard 1: He doesn’t even know his cell was never locked. Guard 2: More than that- he repeatedly failed to realize that we don’t even exist and we have been conveying this to him since he got here. (Both of them laugh)
Suddenly I realized why I never saw the usual bunch of keys that guards used to carry. I gained my feet and stood up like a squirrel. I tried to open the cell door. They were right, it wasn’t locked. I saw their pale faces under the dim fluorescent light above the door. For the first time, they smiled at me. Something shiny caught my eyes. It was their steel name-tags pinned to their shirt pockets beside their chests. It was written on white rectangular boxes – Loneliness and Indolence. I looked over the rest of the cells on my floor. Not a single one was locked and two guards stood right in front of each one of them, obscurely muttering something to which the inmates never listen to. The strangest thing was that all their lawyers had the same name – Mr. Confidence.
Life itself is a paradox and I failed, yet again, to realize that something I was searching for actually stood right in front of me!
Your own mind…
8 December 1979
…is the only one whom you should trust the most in this world and when you don’t listen to what has been conveyed to you, you will succumb to lifelong imprisonment. The two guards, who guard your cell, will keep on muttering obscurely until you realize that something was actually fremd.
Well, that was for the third time I was being sentenced to imprisonment and you really have to be in a prison to understand how it would actually be living inside a cell. —————————————————————————————————————————————
Narrator: ‘Prison in a Life’ would be a much better title, perhaps, I’ve realized that only a while later!



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